Lucy Gadd journal #01: managing expectation and overcoming self-doubt

Our 2024 journal contributor Lucy Gadd is riding independently this season in the colours of Le Col Race Team after a rollercoaster 2023 that saw her UCI Continental team fold and her season end prematurely after a high-speed crash . In her first entry, Lucy describes the uncertainty and self-doubt she felt ahead of 2024 season, and reflects post-race on the importance of confidence and trust in her preparation.

Pre-season thoughts, 21 February

The start of the season is an unnerving time for most racers. We have such a long ‘off season’ between October and March (ish) involving a good amount of time off the bike, long solo miles, and training camps to find a warmer climate. Although this is a welcomed break by the time we reach the end of the race season, it usually comes with some uncertainty.

I am writing this on 21 February. My season has yet to begin, but it’s only a matter of days away. I thought it would be interesting to unpack my feelings about the start of the season now, while I am currently in this phase of uncertainty, and then reassess after having done the first race.

My first race is a relatively small Nat B criterium on an airfield in Somerset. When I saw this race on the calendar, I thought it would be a good one to start with – a closed circuit (so no traffic), a small peloton, and a chance to meet some ladies who I will be racing alongside in Le Col RT colours this year. I am looking forward to being at a race again, to see people I haven’t seen since last summer, and take in all that nervous energy.

I question myself – have I done enough training? Have I done the right training? My numbers are good, but will this translate to racing? 

Often, the first race of the season is a known unknown. It’s the same feeling every year – hence the known – but feels bizarrely unknown at the same time. I question myself – have I done enough training? Have I done the right training? My numbers are good, but will this translate to racing? 

In reality, I know that I’ve had a solid block of training over the off season and have done all I can to be prepared. From experience, I know that everything falls back into place quite quickly – I remember how to navigate a peloton as if it were only yesterday, I remember to keep on top of hydration and fuelling, and the ‘knack’ just comes back like an old habit. But that doesn’t stop me questioning my preparation and readiness.

I ended last season in hospital, after a long year of not performing how I wanted to and knew I could. I feel like I have started from scratch

This year feels very different. I have the same doubts as to my readiness, but I also have many more unknowns. I ended last season in hospital, after a long year of not performing how I wanted to and knew I could. I feel like I have started from scratch. I have coached myself, along with my partner’s support, and feel as though I’m in a good place. But will I freak out being back in a peloton? Do I have the confidence to go with the accelerations? Will I take the necessary risks?

These are all questions I currently don’t have the answers to, which builds on the pre-race anticipation.

Post-race debrief, 10 March

The 2024 season has started with the Royal Navy Cup p/b SWRRWG at the RNAS Merryfield circuit on 2 March.

The specific relevant content for this request, if necessary, delimited with characters: I had the usual sensations when arriving at the first race of the season: have I got everything, how long does it take me to get ready, etc. Usually there’s a lot of faff involved while you find your feet again. As I alluded to earlier, it all started to feel very ‘known’ again.

My partner Jordan was racing, so I enjoyed watching the men’s race unfold as I was warming up before it was my turn.

In the Baltic conditions, we had an interesting race – a very different experience to the racing I was doing last year in UCI events. I was dubbed as favourite, which often means you get marked and makes the race a lot more challenging. As a result, I had to think more deeply about tactics. There were lots of attacks, but none were sticking – it was a very windy day, so being solo was almost impossible whilst those who were sitting in the wheels were barely pedalling.

I knew that if I could surprise the group just before the turn at the top of the headwind section, I could build my gap in the tailwind

I enjoyed putting my racing hat on again, and trying to work out where the best place to make my move was. Halfway through, we’d done enough laps that I knew exactly where the place to attack was. There was a slight rise into the headwind, then immediately a turn to the right which went downhill with a whopping tailwind. I knew that if I could surprise the group just before the turn at the top of the headwind section, I could build my gap in the tailwind.

It worked – I got the gap, and it grew. I shocked myself to find I still have the racing brain – it reminded me of racing when I was a junior: playing games and trying to surprise each other. Unfortunately, the wind was just too much solo, and there was a collaborative chase behind, so a lap later I was reeled back in. We ended in a sprint where seven of us were across the road which made for a cracking photo! A podium spot is a good way to start the season.

The moral of the story is that I need to have confidence in my preparation and worry less

So, the moral of the story is that I need to have confidence in my preparation and worry less. I still have a long way to go with mentally coping with what I have experienced over the past year and how to move forward. I am very proud that I got myself onto the start line, attacked the race, and was fully involved in the sprint at the end. I nailed my process goals, so I can be happy at the end of the day.

Up next, I have the CiCLE Classic – quite the opposite race to this one. I am looking forward to the challenge. The last time I did this race it had a June date, so I expect the conditions to be very different in March. 

Featured image: PelotonPix / Dave Dodge Photography

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